Today we buried my dad

Today was my dad's funeral. It was at the national military cemetery in Leavenworth. The weather was partly cloudy and in the mid-40s. I thought it would be colder than it actually was. The service was very nice. There were two navy representatives standing at attention when we arrived to the open-air shelter. The urn/box with my dad's ashes, a flag, and a flower spray were already there. Paul Pfannenstiel spoke and did a nice job. It was very hard when taps played and when the soldiers unwrapped the flag, spread it out, and then folded it back up again. Once the flag had been inspected and it was just as it should be a soldier presented it to my mom. Throughout the service I was struck with the question, "Is this really happening?". Even as I type this now I almost can't believe that it happened and that my dad is dead. The reality of his death is something that I've thought about a lot and almost keep having to remember that it happened. After the service was done some workers took the urn/box up to the grave site to bury it. We waited until they were done and then went up to see where my dad was buried. It is in a nice spot. On a hill by a nice, big tree overlooking the grounds. It will take about 30 days for the headstone to be finished, so we'll go back out there when it is done. Most likely around Memorial Day and his birthday. Tomorrow is the memorial service. That will be something to experience. The weather is supposed to be bad, so I hope that doesn't keep a bunch of people away. It's just a lot. A lot to take in and process. A lot to experience. A lot to think about. With my dad having melanoma for as long as he did, knowing that it was spreading and progressing, I always knew his death was going to happen. I knew the day would come that he'd be gone. Now that that has happened I am left with the ongoing remembrance of his death. Still feel relief that he is at rest and not in pain anymore, but not quite settled with him being gone. It's weird that he's dead. Weird that his ashes are now buried up on a hill in Leavenworth. Weird that tomorrow we'll have his memorial service. As weird as it is that's where we are. That's the reality of it all. Chris said tonight that death is the ultimate inconvenience. It sure changes things.
  My dad would have liked the funeral. If it would have been for someone else and he would have attend as a guest, he would have really liked everything that happened. I'm thankful for that.

It's been a while...

  During Lent in 2011 I started this blog. Each night I wrote about things that went on during the day or what was rolling around in my mind. I enjoyed doing that and am coming back to this blog for my Lenten activity in 2017. In the past I never observed Lent or any other times from the Church Calendar other than Easter and Christmas. Going to an Ash Wednesday service, giving up something for Lent, observing Advent in the weeks leading up to Christmas...all of that was what people in the Catholic Church did. In learning about the Church Calendar I've come to really appreciate taking part in all of those things that I once wrote off as Catholic practices. There is a deep meaning for each. Something that connects so many people in the church together as we practice in the present and also connects us to those who have practiced these liturgies through the centuries in the past. 

  The last couple of years Lent have been rather lame for me. I'd think of something to engage in and something to abstain from, but then wouldn't really do anything. So this year I thought I'd get back to journaling for my engagement piece. For my fast I am not wearing make-up. For a couple of years Anna joked with me that I should give up wearing make-up for Lent. I laughed it off and wondered why she'd suggest that. However, in the past six months I have become more comfortable in not wearing make-up as often as I usually did. Normally, I don't wear a ton of make-up anyway. When I mentioned giving up make-up during a staff meeting the other day most people said they didn't think I wore any anyway. I guess that's what I always thought you were supposed to do with make-up...enhance certain features but make it look as if you don't have any on. My main make-up includes foundation, powder, a bit of blush, eye liner, and mascara. This may sound silly but toward the end of the summer I read how Alicia Keys isn't wearing make-up anymore. She said she didn't want to hide behind anything and wanted to show who she truly was. In some ways I was motivated by that to realize that me not wearing make-up was an empowering thing and to try to be more comfortable with how my face is without the enhancements. I've never really considered myself a high maintenance kind of person, but when I was in high school and college I rarely, if ever, went out without make-up on and would never wear a hat. Maybe it's me getting older and not caring as much, but I kind of look forward to hat days now. Today it was really windy so I wasn't about to spend time doing my hair only to go out in the wind and get it all messed up. So I wore a Royals hat and it was great. In not wearing make-up more often I've become more comfortable with how that looks and like it. For me the thing that makes my face look different is eye make-up. Not having eyeliner and mascara on, I think, makes me look very different. So the thought of not wearing make-up no matter where I was going or what I was doing is somewhat of an uncomfortable thing for me. Before I'd have a clean face on days that I was just around the house or going to the grocery store. Most days of me working or being around more people I'd spend the five minutes and "put my face on". However, in thinking through something to abstain from during Lent I kept coming back to giving up make-up. In doing that every day it disrupts my normal day and makes me aware that something is different. Makes me more uncomfortable than I'd like to admit in thinking of going out to places without having that look that I am so accustomed to. 

  That's one of the ideas behind choosing something to fast from during Lent. To be change up your daily practice and be slightly uncomfortable with the change. That awareness and change then opens you up to thinking of and being aware of God's presence and seeking to find out 'what do you want'. What do you want? Dan said during the Ash Wednesday service that God asks that to each of us. What do we want during Lent? I've been thinking about that the last couple of days and haven't had many breakthrough epiphanies yet. I did think today that with the make-up thing that one thing I want is to feel comfortable when I'm around people and that comfort is tied to my outward appearance. I want to be perceived a certain way. I want to be perceived as being put together. If I am to be the most basic about it then I'd say I want to be perceived as being pretty. In my mind that includes wearing make-up, specifically eye make-up. I do think there is a beauty in not wearing make-up. A freeing, deep down feeling that I like. Maybe that's why I decided to do the whole sans make-up thing this year. To not be dependent on what I've always done in order to feel comfortable. To push at the notion that I need to have stuff on my face in order to look beautiful. We'll see how that all goes and what comes out through these next seven weeks. 

  Now the whole thing of being tuned in to God's presence more and engaging in prayer through my Lenten practice is something else entirely. I know in the following days I will write a lot about how the last six-ish months have been in relation to my dad, his health, and ultimately his death. The last seven months have been hard. Very hard. Hardy hard hard hard. It's taken a toll on my spiritual condition. Which hasn't really been that solid for the last year or so. My dad going through advanced stage cancer (melanoma) had blown a hole in a lot of my previously held beliefs on prayer, how God interacts with us, what it means to be a Christian, and a whole shload of other things related to religion and spirituality. What I've experienced in the last seven months has made that hole gape open even wider, so entering into a spiritual practice right now seems a bit vapid for me. I'm doing it, but don't really know what to do with it. Even in saying my spiritual condition is teetering right now I, in some ways, am drawn to a more mystical recognition of God's presence in everyday events. It's odd that I can feel so distant and removed from certain beliefs and practices that used to bring me comfort and at the same time feel a sense of closeness and/or recognition of a Prensence that I totally don't understand. It's all super fuzzy and grey. Nothing is defined. In terms of the Critical Journey I am securely in the Inward Journey and getting nearer to the Wall each day. Who knows if not wearing make-up and journaling each night will do anything for my current state, but I guess at this point it can't hurt. 

 

We're at the end

  Today is the last day of Lent and I had my concert tonight for Glory House. I've known and been preparing for this concert for a couple months now...maybe about as long as Lent has been going. It is fitting that tonight both come to an end. The concert went really well and I'm glad I was a part of it. Getting into the church and having everything set up didn't go quite as I had thought it would. But in the end all went well and I think people enjoyed it. The last song I sang was the Haitian national anthem. I sang two of the many verses (there are about seven) in French. It was an amazing moment when I looked out and saw all the Haitians there singing along with a smile on their face. There was one older gentleman in the front row that was particularly into it and he had his hand in a fist and was moving it back and forth to the words. When I finished they all stood up to applaud. I didn't expect that type of a reaction, but didn't mind it either :) I hope to go back to the Haitian church sometime soon and bring other people along. Everyone that I have met is so nice and I want to keep the relationship between us going. Idalbert talked about us eating together right before we left and I am very excited about that! I told him to tell his wife that I would come over and help make everything. We also thought that having a cooking class/fundraiser would be a good idea for Glory House. The turnout tonight wasn't the biggest, but in some ways that made it feel more laid back, which was nice. My dad took video and pictures during the concert, so after I write I'm going to take a look. I am glad that I can sit on my couch now and look back on the concert and I am also glad to have been part of it.
  This is the second year that I have observed Lent and done something during the time period. Last year I gave up Facebook and thought that was good just to unplug from "the network" for a while. This year the writing has been more reflective and much more of a spiritual practice. There were many nights that I would be tired and ready to go to bed and not want to do my writing, but opened up the laptop and did it anyway. I appreciate the examination of what happens during the day, what my thoughts are about it all, and then draw on any spiritual and/or sacred moments that were there as well. Writing each night has made me take note of things throughout the day more than I did before. If something funny or interesting would happen I would think, "I need to write about this tonight" were as before the moment would have passed without a second thought (most likely). The art of noticing is just that, an art. And one that we don't do very often. So much passes us by and we don't see it, don't hear it, and don't soak it in. Not that I am this all-seeing wise sage now after writing on a blog for a couple months, but it has brought out my self-examine more than before. I want to continue doing this and incorporate regular, maybe not daily, writing into my rhythm. I mentioned in one of my first writings that one of our pastors said that daily writing is a spiritual discipline and after doing it during this Lenten season I can agree. A discipline isn't something that is always easy or something you always want to do, but in doing so you grow and stretch.
  To finish up tonight I will end with my favorite Compline prayer. It is for Wednesdays and is named after Felgild, who was a Celtic saint. It is short and the words speak to me with depth, peace, and comfort.

"Calm me, O Lord, as You stilled the storm.
Still me, O Lord, keep me from harm.
Let all the tumult within me cease.
Enfold me, Lord, in Your peace.

Father, bless the work that is done,
and the work that is to be.


Father, bless the servant that I am,
and the servant that I will be.

Thou Lord and God of power,
shield and sustain me this night.

I will lie down this night with God,
and God will lie down with me;
I will lie down this night with Christ,
and Christ will lie down with me;
I will lie down this night with the Spirit,
and the Spirit will lie down with me;
God and Christ and the Spirit,
be lying down with me.

The peace of God
be over me to shelter me,
under me to uphold me,
about me to protect me,
behind me to direct me,
ever with me to save me.

The peace of all peace
be mine this night
in the name of the Father,
and of the Son,
and of the Holy Spirit.
Amen."

Good Friday

We went to the Good Friday service at Lakeland tonight. It was a good service and brought everyone into the story of when Jesus was crucified and sealed in the tomb. That is what Good Friday commemorates, remembers, and signifies. So, why then is it called Good Friday? Is it good because the ultimate ending is that Jesus rose from the grave? Is it good because when Jesus was crucified it fulfilled prophesy? Is it good because of the news that Jesus defeated death and forgave our sins? Can there be good happening when someone is condemned to die, beaten, crucified, and buried? In knowing the continued story I think you can say 'yes'. There is good even when sorrow comes. We may not understand it or see it during the sadness, but goodness can be there. Thank you God, for your goodness. Thank you for your grace and love for us even when we do not see it. Especially when we do not see it. 

  Tomorrow is my concert with the Haitians. My songs are coming along well...Mike and I went through the one we're doing tonight and it sounded good. I did talk to Idalbert today and he told me that we can't use the sound system at the church, so he needs to now bring sound equipment from his church for us to use. He found this out today. The pastor of the church went out of town today and didn't leave anyone to run sound for us. I think that is very poor on the church's part, because they have known for about two months that our concert is on the 23rd. I have a hard time believing that the pastor either didn't know he was going to be gone or couldn't have lined someone up to help with sound and also could have had the courtesy to let Idalbert know more than the day before. It's not my deal, but I am tempted to talk to someone from the church and let them know how poor of a job they did in hosting another group at their church. I think/hope things will turn out just fine tomorrow, but it is just one more thing that shouldn't have been there to deal with. This is another time when some Haitience goes a long way....

  Today was a good day. My mom didn't have school, so Anna went over to play at my parent's house today when I went to the doctor's office. The appointment went well. I heard the baby's heartbeat (156 bpm) and was in and out quickly. I set the appointment for our ultrasound for May 19th at 10:30. Hopefully Baby Li will cooperate and we'll find out if we have a he or a she. I've been calling the baby Li lately since we don't know the sex yet. In Creole "li" is the pronoun for he and she, so it covers all the bases :) After my appt. I went back to my parents and we all went out to a new Mexican restaurant for lunch. It was good stuff. There was a little more hanging out after lunch and then Anna and I headed back to Lees Summit. Anna was asleep within a couple minutes of being in the car and slept the whole way home. I stopped off at my friend, Jenn's yard sale to get a few choice items. I've wanted to get a sewing machine for a while, so I took Jenn's off her hands...I also found a Beauty and the Beast mug and thought Anna would like it (she loves it and drank out of it all afternoon and evening). Jenn saved a nice, gaudy costume ring for Anna, which she also loves. The other purchase was an old school Gameboy in its original fanny pack complete with Tetris and Super Mario Bros. I was seriously impressed that the original headphones and instruction manuals were still in there as well. And how fabulous is it that the "case" for all of it is a fanny pack with hot pink piping?! I'll have to plug some AAs in tomorrow and play.

  I'm looking forward to tomorrow for a few reasons. I need to hard boil some eggs for us to dye for Easter. I got a really cool decorating set at the store and think Anna will have fun with it after we eat lunch. I always like dying and decorating Easter eggs. I will hopefully get to sleep in a little tomorrow since I don't need to practice with the Haitians until the afternoon. It should be good weather tomorrow, which will be nice. I'm looking forward to the concert tomorrow night and really hope it all goes well. Idalbert was saying that he thinks only ten people will come, but I think more people will be there. It will feel good to sing for Haiti and it will also feel good when I can get in bed tomorrow night knowing that it is done :) 

  Tomorrow will be my last day of Lent to write in the evening. It will be good to reflect on the past 40 days and also look forward to the time to come. That's why I did this in the first place, right? To examine and reflect. Well, I'll do that tomorrow night, but then after that I'm done until next year. Just kidding. 

April showers bring...

....May grass to our yard because we need it. I think from all the snow we got this winter our grass died or got some kind of mold. Not sure what happened, but Mike is trying to revive it by thatching the yard, putting down fertilizer, and grass seed. We've never had the best yard in the neighborhood, but in wanting to put the house up for sale we'd like to green things up a bit. It's looking better and hopefully it will keep getting better with all this rain we're supposed to get over the next five days.
  I just watched an episode of Oprah where she showed clips with her best friend, Gail. One thing they showed was when they went to a spa in Arizona. For some reason in the last couple years the idea of going to a spa in the Southwest sounds awesome to me. I'd love to visit the region, too, just for sight seeing and a vacation. But to work in a spa vacation would be fabulous. Especially if I could go with my "besties" Mandy and Andie. It would be awesome if I could go with my mom, Rachel, and Libby, too. That would be great. Maybe someday we can do that. I know for Mandy, Andie, and me it would need to be in a few years when kids are older and days aren't so crazy with grad-school classes.
 One group I've wanted to see in concert for a while is Alison Krauss and Union Station. They just came out with a new cd and are coming to KC in September! I'd love to go...and the concert is days after my birthday, so it would be a great way to celebrate :) I just looked at ticket prices and they are pretty steep, but it should be worth it. Mandy and I need to get tickets for the JJ Heller concert in June. I am excited about that, too.
  Tomorrow is Good Friday. I have a doctor's appointment in the morning. It should be a pretty quick in and out thing (hopefully). My friend, Jenn, is having a yard sale that I plan on going to. She is selling a sewing machine and I've already put in dibs on it. She also has an old school Gameboy WITH a Tetris game, so I might have to buy that, too :) Not sure if I want to swing by the sale before my appointment or after. I am leaning toward going before, but we'll see how the morning goes. We also have a service at church tomorrow night that I'd like to go to. There was one tonight for Maundy Thursday, but we played hookie from that. It wasn't until the last few years that I heard about Maundy Thursday and didn't think the person saying it was getting their days mixed up by saying Monday Thursday. Those days don't go together, silly. Maundy Thursday commemorates of the Last Supper. So many things I've been learning about the church calendar and the meaning behind days throughout the year. I appreciate the connectedness of it all and that it gives a running current of celebration through the year instead of just on Easter and Christmas.
  I hear my bed and pillow calling my name. I didn't get a nap today, so I am feeling quite sleepy. Good night until tomorrow.

Adventures in parenting

It has been a long day. We started off taking it easy this morning and then headed out to Longview Lake for a while. Anna really liked playing at the playground, going down by the lake, and having a snack in the shelter. We went to lunch at The Fig Tree. It was good stuff. Anna snarfed up her eggs and sausage. She also really liked the vanilla cream soda I got. It was really good. We came home and hung out for a little while and then Anna had some quiet time in her room. She fell asleep in the car on the way to the lake and slept for about 30 min, so I figured she wouldn't take a nap. I told her she'd be in her room for a little while to read books quietly while I took a rest. It worked out just fine. Just fine until I came in her room after the quiet time was done. She had a semi-mess of books and puzzle pieces on the floor that she needed to pick up and, damn it, it took her a long time to do that. I don't like it when I get upset with her and raise my voice and I did that this afternoon. This afternoon and evening was trying for me. Anna is learning, changing, and testing boundaries. I try to draw on my teaching years and am usually good about keeping a calm reaction when redirecting her, but there are sometimes when that just isn't what comes out of my mouth. It seemed like Anna was particularly relentless in stalling to clean up her room and pestering Lucy tonight. It made me so angry to see her resist like that and also feel helpless and question whether or not what I was doing and saying was the right thing. In the end she did clean up her room and she did leave Lucy alone. Ha. I guess there is victory in that (if that's what you want to call it). Whenever I do raise my voice at her I always apologized and talk to her about why that happened. The morning and early afternoon was fun today, but the later afternoon and evening was tough. Luckily, during dinner Anna ate really well and followed my directions, so we watched a bit of "Beauty and the Beast" then got ready for bed and she was asleep by 8:30. I do love her so so very much, but man can she bring out some intense feelings and emotions in a split second. Parenting does not stop and is not always fun, easy, or enjoyable. There aren't set answers and there are very few times when you can and should say "I'm the adult and you're the kid, so do what I say". It just doesn't work like that. We all would like it to be so cut and dry or black and white, but it isn't. Luckily, when there are hard afternoons/evenings like these there is a much welcomed change back to a gentle, sweet, and calm time...like when I was putting Anna to bed. She likes for me to sing a certain song about angels (one I loved for my mom to sing to me) and then I rub her back while I say the good-night prayers. Those are sweet and tender moments and in many ways erase the sting from what happened earlier today. Who knows what tomorrow will be like, but I am hopeful that if things get rough there will be a much-needed turn around for everyone. Selah.

Paragraphs about the day

Today was a gloomy day. There was a storm front that came through and brought with it unseasonably cool weather and gross misty rain. Can't complain too much b/c on the other side of the state St. Louis is getting pounded with some serious storms and hail. The rest of the week, weekend, and into next week is supposed to be cooler and rainy. It's a bit of a downer to see the extended forecast and know that for the next week it's going to be gray, cooler, and soggy. Too bad we don't live in San Diego where the weather is almost always sunny and in the mid-seventies.
  Next Saturday is the annual Women's Solitude Retreat out at Powell Gardens. Last year it was rainy and gloomy, so I hope this year the weather will be nicer. This will be the fourth year I've gone to the solitude retreat and I am really looking forward to it. After learning more about being in solitude and practicing it more in the past few years it is a welcomed break to have a few hours to myself out in the gardens. We used to have a membership to Powell Gardens and I miss that. When we did have a membership I went out there a couple times by myself and really enjoyed it. The Harvest Garden is really cool and I look forward to seeing it this year. When they put it in two years ago I remember thinking that it was cool, but that it would be amazing once things grew and matured. Isn't that similar to how we all are? After a little time, growth, and change more beauty comes out that was always there to being with.
  This afternoon I practiced a couple songs for my concert this weekend and it went well. It was nice to play the Sara Groves song on an actual piano. I need to go through it a couple times tonight before going to bed, but I think all should go well on Saturday. It's been nice to get back to playing the piano again. I know I should practice more regularly to keep up on it all, but that doesn't so much happen all the time. It would be great if I could just be amazing at the piano, guitar, and any other instrument I'm interested without practicing....but that's just silly.
  I am listening to a group on Pandora called "The Civil Wars" and like them. I need to spend more time with their music, but from what I've heard it's good stuff. The Pandora station is good b/c it plays music that is similar to The Civil Wars and that works out to be folky, bluesy stuff that I love. I'd be in heaven if I could go to a bluegrass and folk music festival somewhere...preferably in Appalachia somewhere. It would be good music and good people watching. Not to mention I bet I could score some serious moonshine. Something Mike and I are thinking of doing this summer is going out to Seattle to hear the Indigo Girls in concert. We haven't seen them for a long time and have always wanted to go to Seattle. I might have to look up episodes of "Man vs. Food" to see if he's gone to Seattle and what restaurants we should go to. I like the idea of taking a trip with just the two of us before this next baby comes. If it works out for us to do that I will be VERY excited. Plus the Indigo Girls concert is at the Seattle Zoo, which I think makes it that much cooler. Mike's brother, Russell, and his family just got back from a trip to Seattle and from looking at their pictures on FB it looked awesome.
  We have an open day tomorrow. Not sure what that will shake out to be. Maybe I'll go out to Longview Lake with Anna for a bit and let her run around. I know she'll be asking me to go to the park or play outside anyway. Today at Lakeland we were talking about having a team appreciation picnic in June out at Longview and I need to go scout out a good shelter to reserve, so maybe we'll do that. I also thought that we could go down and meet Mike for lunch somewhere. We haven't done that for a while and it's always a good time when we do. I'll have to see what his day looks like tomorrow. He worked a long day today, so hopefully tomorrow is better for him.
  Today our fence was repaired from the hail storm and a snow plow gone crazy a couple years ago. To explain the crazy snow plow...it was during the winter after a big snow a couple years ago and there was a plow pushing snow to clear our alley way behind our house. We think when the plow pushed the snow there was so much that is broke in a back panel of our fence. In wanting to fix things in order to put our house on the market getting the fence fixed was next on the list. It looks good and I'm glad we got that done.
  I'm going to go let Lucy out, hope she doesn't bark, get a drink of water, practice my song a few times, and then head to bed. It's weird to think that we are in Holy Week and for Lent I will have four more days of writing to do before the season is over. Huh. There will be more reflection on this writing practice later in the week I am sure of it. For now I say good night.

We have a level basement

This is good news. Really good news. There are some cracks in our basement, so we had a guy come today to do some measurements and see if the cracks were from foundation movement. Thankfully, all the corners of the house are the level and there is no foundation movement! The guy was really nice and he didn't even charge us for coming out twice. If we need him to write something up he'd need to and he said for use to remember him if we do moved b/c he'd come out to check the new house. This is very, very good news with us thinking of selling our house. The cracks could be from a number of reasons from when the house was being built. We won't know why the cracks happen, but it is a load off Mike and my minds to know we won't have to shell out thousands of dollars to fix basement issues. We were talking tonight about what to do around the house to keep moving forward to put our house on the market. Yesterday, Anna spend the afternoon at my parent's house and she had a great time. Mike and I went out and looked at some houses with Julie. It was really good to do that and we felt encouraged by the end of the outing. The first three houses we looked at were not what we'd want. Julie also took us to see a house that is older and in foreclosure, so it is super cheap. It's been updated really well and we loved the layout. This house is in an older part of Lee's Summit, which we liked. Unfortunately, Julie doesn't think this house will be on the market for long. With it's price, layout, and condition she said these kinds of houses go quickly. Who knows.....maybe if that should be our house then it will still be there after we put our house on the market and get an offer. The last house we looked at was a good one, too. It has a lot of features we like...I liked the layout of the kitchen (which is a big feature for me), it had a finished family room/basement and still had storage in a sub-basement, and the backyard was big with a nice deck. Another thing I liked about this house is it already has three raised garden beds. The two things that were not impressive was a painted on window above the front door and in the master bedroom the ceiling was painted to look like a tiki roof. Nice touch if you are the island type, but Mike and I are not. Those things would be easy to paint over and be done with. Julie did say the floor plan of the last house we liked is easy to find, so if that particular house isn't on the market when we are ready then we can find another one very similar to it.
  So, I did pretty good yesterday during the Palm Sunday services. I actually got more choked up during the first service when Anna wasn't there b/c I stood at the back of the sanctuary and watched the kids walk up and down the isles. It was so precious. They were smiling, waving their palm branches, and everyone was clapping and cheering for them while the band played a song. For the second service we had a lot more kids and I ended up walking with Anna. She wasn't so sure about going into the service and wanted me to carry her. I didn't, but told her I'd walk next to her and hold her hand. When we went into the service she kept her palm branch down by her side and had a very serious look on her face. That didn't surprise me. She tends to be a bit tentative in situations like that, almost embarrassed. I was like that when I was a kid. We had some kids that flat out started crying and ran to their parents and Anna didn't do that. She stuck it out and went through with it all. Afterward she told Mike that she had a lot of fun and has talked about it a couple times since then. I guess her outward reaction does not always equal how she's feeling inside. Aren't we all like that?
  Tomorrow I want to take my sheet music for the Sara Groves song I'm singing at the concert this week up to church to practice on the piano in the green room. So far playing this song on the piano and singing it has gone really well. I hope it all goes well this Saturday. I'm off to read books with Anna and put her to bed. Bon lannwit, zanmi mwen. (Good night, my friend ala Creole)

And so it was

This morning I got up, ready, and out the door to head down to the First Haitian Baptist Church to practice with Idalbert and the rest of the praise team. So I get to the church at 9:00 and am not quite sure that I am in the right place, but go in anyway. The band is already playing and there a few people sitting in the pews. I go into the sanctuary, out into the foyer, then back in the sanctuary again. I then hear, "Sarah" and see Idalbert up in with the band. He waves me up and I go to sit with him. I thought they had already started practicing and that when they finished the current song we'd practice for the concert next week. I figured I'd be there for an hour, maybe a little longer. Well, one song turned into another, and another,  and another...and then they started praying. Now praying in the Haitian culture is different than what we do in white churches. There is one leader who starts the prayer off and then everyone starts praying aloud at the same time. People stand up and wave their hands back and forth as well. They pray with all the hearts and show it with a passion. When the prayer started this morning I closed my eyes and was taken back to the Source de la Grace church in Port-au-Prince. I made me tear up a bit to remember and be immersed in that again. After the prayer time they went into more songs. More and more people are coming in to fill the pews and it was at this point that I realized that I was not there for a practice, but a full on church service. Then I wonder how long I will be there. Church services in Haiti can go on for a looooooong time and I didn't know if this was going to be the case this morning. I also thought that the people coming in probably wondered who the white girl was up with the band. I felt very much out of my comfort zone, but similar to when I was in Haiti, I "leaned into it" and embraced my surroundings. After an hour of prayer and praise everyone sat down and an older gentleman got up to preach for half an hour. All of this is in Creole, mind you. I was happy that I did catch words or phrases every once and a while. Not enough to fully follow the songs or sermon, but it was better than when I was in Haiti. I tried to just soak in the feeling and spirit of the service and not be too hung up on what I thought I was going to do that morning and when the service would be done. I invoked some "Haitiance" and went with it.
  At about 10:30 the service was done and then I did get to practice the praise songs with the band. It was nice to meet them all and everyone was very nice and seemed happy that I was there. When we were finished practicing Idalbert took my back to an office room to meet his wife. I also met about six other ladies who were surprised that I spoke a little Creole. The "bad" thing is once anyone knew I spoke a little Creole they'd start talking in full sentences and then my response would be a blank stare and say, "M' pa kompran" (I don't understand". Everyone was gracious and understanding and I thought it will be nice if I can get to the point where I do understand basic conversation and don't have to fall back on the "I don't know" phrase. Idalbert says that when that happens I'll be a Haitian. That will be a good day. I did see some familiar faces of guys who came to the Creole class these past few months. It was good to say hello to them and know who they were. This morning was not at all what I expected, but it was a very good way to spend a few hours.
  There is a group from Lakeland going to Haiti this August and I think it would be good for them to go to a service at the Haitian church before their trip. All aspects of the service are the same as what we experienced in Haiti, minus the humidity and heat. Although I'm not sure if they church has a/c, so in the summer it might be a pretty accurate representation of what church in Haiti is really like. It was cold in there this morning, so I don't know if they have heat.
  The rest of the day was good. I went to a friends' wedding shower and had a good time there. When I got home Mike, Anna, and I went to the park. I always enjoy how much Anna loves the park. She could swing for hours at a time and gets so excited when other kids come. She says, "I'm going to go make friends" and then runs over to them while giggling and squealing. After the park we went to Pizza Shoppe for dinner and then came home to hang out for a while before putting Anna to bed. We read two books to her in our bed before taking her into her room. It's a routine that I really enjoy and usually all three of us lay down for the book time. Anna got a little sleeping bag from a friend the other day and she wanted to lay in it up on our bed while she listened to the stories. It was stinkin' cute. She is stinkin' cute.
  Now I am going to veg out and watch a movie before going to bed. Tomorrow is Palm Sunday and I can't wait to see the kids wave their palm branches during the service. Palm Sunday was always a favorite of mine growing up. I was excited each year when I got a good palm branch...no one wants the wilted one that lops over to the side, do they? For the kids in the two pre-school rooms we will take them into the adult service to wave the branches as they walk up and down the isles. This has always choked me up no matter if I know the kids or not. Anna will be in with the group waving the branches this year, so I might be a big bawl baby seeing her do that. Who knows. Hopefully I can keep it together. It will be fun whether I can make it through without crying or not. After church Mike and I are going out with our realtor, Julie, to look at some houses. I think that will be fun. Anna is going over to my parent's house for lunch and playing in the afternoon. She is very excited about that! Tomorrow has the makings of another good day and I sure hope it is.

A few words about today

A few words about today:

*I still feel like I have a sinus infection that is pretty depressing. I just used my Neti Pot for the third time and hope that it will wash all the junk out of my sinuses. Seriously.

*Even during a frustrating afternoon and evening with Anna it is awesome to cuddle with her, hear her laugh, and put her to bed.

*I watched a documentary called, "God Grew Tired of Us" tonight. It followed three Lost Boys from Sudan that came to the US. There was so much to take in with what these men and women have experienced and continue to live through. When they showed young children so malnourished and frail all I could think was, "Those are my children. Those are my boys."

*Today's practice with the Haitians was cancelled and moved to tomorrow morning. I hope all goes well tomorrow and that we can get these songs worked out.

*The weather today was gross and I am happy that I can crawl in to my warm, comfy bed soon to sleep until tomorrow.

Concert prep

On April 23rd I am singing in a concert to raise support for Glory House Services and Haiti. I think I've talked about this before, but GHS was founded by my friend, Idalbert, and provides support for Haitians in the KC area and also supports a school in Northeastern Haiti. The concert on the 23rd will be to provide information about GHS and to receive donations. Tonight Mike and I were practicing a couple of songs that we'll do that night. One is a JJ Heller song, "Your Hands" that Mike will play guitar and I will sing. The other is "I saw what I saw" by Sara Groves. That songs is huge for me b/c it was kind of the reason why I ended up going to Haiti in the first place. I've played piano for a long time, but have yet to play and sing at the same time. Doing that has always been a challenge for me. Luckily, the accompaniment for this song is easy enough to where I can sing and play together. I went through it tonight and thought it went well. I'll have to see if the night of the concert I'll be on a piano or keyboard b/c that will make a difference on how it feels to play. Tomorrow I am meeting with a Haitian praise team to go over a few songs that we will do that night. I need to listen to the songs a bit tomorrow and hope it goes well. I am looking forward to the 23rd, but to be honest, will be really glad when that evening is done :) Being involved in this concert has not been a burden by any means, but something that has been in the back of my mind for almost two months now. It's too bad the one person who got me into this can't be there that night b/c of Respite up at Lakeland. I am also singing the Haitian National Hymn and need to practice that as well. Maybe I'll try it for the Haitians tomorrow and see what they think. I still have some junk in my throat and sinuses and really hope it is gone by next Saturday. I also hope that I won't be hacking too much tomorrow morning during the practice.
  It is raining outside and the sound of it will be nice to fall asleep to. When I put Anna to bet there was a bit of thunder and lightening. That didn't set well with her and I went back in a 2nd time b/c she was upset. She calmed down quickly and then got back into bed for me to rub her back for a while. It was really precious when she sat up and said, "Mom, can you say a prayer to make the thunder and lightning go away?" I said a prayer asking that Anna would feel safe and fall asleep knowing that she was okay. At that moment I was very thankful that saying a prayer was something that comforted her and helped her feel good. Storms stressed me out when I was a kid, so I can sympathize and praying always helped me feel better. At the conference I went to on Tuesday the speaker said that for young children the act of doing something, like prayer, is sometimes more important that what we actually say. I think that was true tonight. I'm not sure if Anna took in the words I said (I wouldn't be surprised if she did), but she knew that the act of saying a prayer was important and significant. Small moments of divine connection that happen everyday. So grateful for that.

So many things

   So many things are swirling around in my mind right now. I just watched the new season of "Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution" and was blown away. He is in LA and is meeting major resistance from the LA USD (united school district) to let him even step foot inside any of the schools in the LA area. There was info about flavored milk and how "important" it is to have in schools b/c without it kids won't drink milk as much. Crap. There was shocking info about this stuff called "pink slime" that is a meat-by product filler that is processed with ammonia and put in ground beef to make it go farther. It is estimated that 70% of ground beef sold in the US (in fast food, restaurants, and grocery stores) contain pink slime. The USDA says the process is safe and assures that it maintains high quality of blah, blah, yackey schmackety. What it really is is gross meat bits and shavings that is originally used for dog food, but now is being separated, washed in an ammonia/water mixture, ground up, and put into ground beef. Scary crap. Learning this drives home the need to get beef from a local vendor and not eat burgers from major fast food or restaurants anymore. Ugh. I spent some time looking on the LS school district website to see their nutrition guidelines, menus, and such. I remember the school lunches from when I was teaching and don't think that what we serve our kids in LS is much better. There are healthy choices, but the majority is not. Or I feel that the healthy choices are kind of a mask or cover for not so good food.
  I think I might do a survey of parents I know who have kids in the LS schools and see what they think of the food. It doesn't need to take having a tv show come to your city in order to make changes in the food. Even taking out the flavored milk in the schools would make a difference for better health and less sugar consumption.
  It all comes down to convenience, cost, and ethics. The majority of Americans don't know where their food comes from and they don't care where it comes from, what is contained in it, or what it had to go through to be deemed "edible" as long as it is cheap, fast, and plentiful. That is such a load of crap. Like I've stated before I would rather spend twice as much on a pound of ground beef if I knew where it came from and that it was good quality than whatever is on sale. I think a lot of people would still go for the cheaper meat even if they knew it had pink slime in it....even if they knew what pink slime was. They'd go for it because it is cheap and readily available. There is a mindset in the country that is amazingly negligent when it comes to health, nutrition, and what we need to eat in order to be healthy. I know not everything I eat is the best of the best, but at least I'm working on making better choices and trying to see the bigger picture instead of getting stuck in the "this is what I've always eaten, so don't you dare try to take it away from me" mentality.
  All these things swirling around in my head...massive corruption and deception that go so high in the system and government that it seems that nothing will ever make a difference. A deep seeded psyche and mind-set of Americans who remain seemingly ambivalent to the ethics and process of food production. I have to come back to what I can change and what I can influence and that is what my family eats. We can make choices in supporting companies with ethical practices. We can choose not to support certain companies. We can know where our food comes from as much as we can. That is where I am and will have to stay there and sit in this for a while. Grrr.

Some of dis, some of dat

  Today I went to a day conference that focused on the spiritual development of children. It was really interesting and affirming in what we are doing with Family Ministry at Lakeland. I took some good notes and thought of things we can do to include children more in the church community and also support parents who are in the stage of life of raising young children. I'll write more about this as I think and process through it more. I was very thankful to have spent the day at this conference and loved the fact that it is directly related to what I do. In thinking of what I'd do for a job after having a baby I wouldn't have thought it would be in ministry, but I am loving it and am very happy to be on the team that I am. I really want to make it work after this next baby is born to stay on staff at Lakeland. I'll have to think through that more as the summer develops and we get into the fall.
  This evening we had a Women's Ministry Worship event where me, my mom, and Rachel did music. It was nice to play and sing together and was the first time that has ever happened. The turn-out was low and I wish more ladies had been there, but I guess you can look at it from the perspective of who needed to be there tonight was there. I am still battling throat gunk, so today at the conference and tonight during worship I had to hold back coughs. My throat feels tight still and I really can't wait for this to go away. Enough about that.
  Tomorrow I take Anna for her three year check-up. I like our pediatrician, Dr. Gershon, and think it will be interesting to see what Anna tells him and how she is. We've been lucky this past year and not had to go to see him many times (except when she cut her head when I was in Haiti and then Mike had to take her to get stitches). I'm glad that we don't see Dr. Gershon very much because that means Anna is a healthy girl most of the time. I will be sure to tell him there is another Zung to add to his patient list come October. He is a DO and I like that approach to medicine. Osteopathic medicine is more holistic and looks at the whole person instead of symptoms (or at least that is my understanding of it). There was a big osteopathic college up in Kirksville, so we heard about DOs a lot up there. One teacher from my freshman week class was not the biggest fan of DOs and lovingly referred to them as "blood-sucking DOs". It took me a while to learn what osteopathic medicine was and then realize that they did not, in fact, suck blood.
  So the last two nights Anna has taken to basically trashing her room after we say goodnight to her and the light is off. I put all her dress-up things in a box in her closet and that has come out both nights. That will no longer be in her closet starting tomorrow. Plus many pull-ups and books. Tonight she took her monitor/night light and put it on the floor next to her bed. I knew she was doing something in there by the muffled sounds on the monitor, but didn't want to go in b/c she would just ask me to rock her or rub her back in efforts to stall going to sleep. She is a stinker and I need to talk to her tomorrow about not getting tons of things out when it is time for bed. I wonder if other kids do that? I don't remember doing that at all when I was younger. I don't remember back to when I was three, but I'm pretty sure I didn't do that. I'll have to ask my mom. She has been keeping her pull-up on at night and nap times, so that is good. There was one day that I got mad and basically yelled at her and told her that if she kept taking her pull-ups off and peeing on the floor that she couldn't watch movies anymore. She really didn't like me raising my voice and the thought of not watching "Pocahontas" was the clincher.
  Yesterday with her turning three I told her that since she was a big girl now that she needed to start sitting on the potty more to try and go on the toilet. There was a forty-minute period when she had training pants on and would sit on the toilet every 10 to 15 minutes. She did it willingly whereas before she might have resisted even sitting on the toilet. When I told her that we'd be doing that more she said, "Ok". I really hope that something clicks soon and she starts feeling comfortable to go to the bathroom on the toilet. When she had training pants on she kept them dry, but didn't do anything on the toilet. Pretty soon after I put a pull-up back on she went pee. It is what she is comfortable with and what she knows....but that needs to change eventually. I'm sure we'll talk about it with Dr. Gershon tomorrow and will see what he says.
  The weather has been really nice the last couple days and I am looking forward to playing outside with Anna and Henry tomorrow. Henry got Anna these markers that go on windows for her birthday, so we'll try those out, too. I'll be interested to see what Henry thinks about Anna's doll house. She is pretty excited to show it to him. I need to now go through her toys and books and weed out things she hasn't touched in a while and box them up now that we have a new round of things to play with. We also need to start thinking about cleaning things up around the house and possibly boxing unused items with the idea of possibly moving. This Sunday we are going out with Julie to look at some houses. It is a bit premature to do that, but Julie said it might be good to see if we do like anything or maybe will decide to just stay where we are. I think it will be fun b/c I like looking at houses anyway. Although, there is a weird thing that happens for me when we've looked at houses in the past that I am good for a while, but then a switch flips and I go to instant bad mood. I don't think that will happen on Sunday, but you never know. Mike doesn't like it when that happens and I can imagine why.
  Sleep is calling me and I will answer soon. It was a good, but busy day, of going here and there. I am thankful that my busy days are broken up with days that have a slower pace. Tomorrow should be a slower day and that will be good. One thing that was focused on at today's conference was recognizing the spiritual nature of everyday activities. I am trying to be more aware of that in the daily activities of our family. Tomorrow will be a good example of the simplicity of play, the enjoyment of a sunny day, and what worship can happen through all of that. I've learned that bowing your head and closing your eyes is not the only way we can pray. There are so many other ways to engage in a conversation with God. Similarly, building spiritual practices into your daily life doesn't have to equal sitting in a quiet room to read the bible (it can, but doesn't always have to be). We can notice the divine and sacred in so many little things that happen, especially with children. I'll have to make notice of some moments of divinity tomorrow and will report back later....

Three years ago today...

...I was in labor with Anna. I was lucky to have been able to do it naturally and she came fast and furious. I remember not much time had passed when my family left my room to when my mom came out to say Anna had been born. She was born at 11:45pm, just fifteen minutes shy of her due date. Anna Hill Zung. Her first name is after my great-grandmother (my Mor Mor) who is my grandma's mom. Her middle name is my mother-in-law's maiden name. Her last name is my father-in-law's Vietnamese first name that he changed to his last name after coming to the US. A lot of history and ancestors packed into that name. Here is a video that Rachel took that night about an hour after she was born. The second video is another right after she was born. She wasn't the happiest little one because the nurse was doing all the things needed after being born. Anna watched these tonight and was very interested, but didn't like the crying. The look on her face was priceless. Then and now.

We called her our little spring roll. She was such a sweet baby that ate well and slept well. Her calm, chill temperment was a blessing and it was so much fun to see her develop during the first year. She looked so much like Mike when he was a baby (and also Mike's sister, Michelle). Here she is on her first birthday...

Her second year brought walking, talking, and a whole lot of personality. It was so amazing to watch as her personality developed and she started to show likes and dislikes. At the time of her 2nd birthday party she was in love with the show "Yo Gabba Gabba" so we had a themed party where Mike dressed up like DJ Lance. It was a lot of fun and she still talks about it.

This past year she has taken off with conversation and interaction. Hearing her stories and jokes blows me away. She loves imaginary play with dolls and animals and loves to read books. For her third birthday we found an amazing doll house that we put together last night and had ready when she came downstairs this morning. She loved it and played with it all day long. Here she is with the house and at dinner tonight.

How old are you today?

Loves the new doll house

Yummy chocolate milk!

I am so very thankful and grateful for Anna's health, development, and overall well-being. She is an amazing little girl with a mind of her own. Very talkative, quick, and can be pretty stubborn. Today there were so many times when I'd look at her and see how she's grown so much and yet know that there is still so much more to come. She is already talking about what she'll do when she turns four and five. She's going to be a force to reckon with (in a good way)...a real pendulum swinger. Thank you, God, for blessing me with Anna. I'll end with a couple pictures that I like. Capturing four generations is hard to do and I'm thankful to have this picture. Anna was about five weeks old when this was taken. The last picture is when we were leaving Children's Mercy Hospital after the whole dehydration bit. We didn't take any pictures during that time, but decided to document the welcomed event of going home.

Four generations: My grandparents, Mike, me, Anna, and my parents

Coming home from Children's Mercy...she is about ten days old

We'll see what this next year has in store for Anna, the new baby and our family. I'll pull out the good old saying of, "I'm not sure what my future holds...but I know Who holds my future."

A good time was had by all

  Anna is almost three. Crazy to think, because it seems like not that long ago we were bringing her home from the hospital. Monday is her actual birthday and tonight we had her birthday party up at Lakeland. It was a good time. The kids played on the tunnel, the adults chatted, we opened presents, and devoured some ice cream cake. Anna got a lot of great presents...good princess accessories, books, a Cinderella dress, art supplies, and art easel, and a cute dress. She really loved this sparkley jewelry set David and Libby got her and REALLY loved wearing the shoes and necklace. I think she'll have a lot of fun playing with all her new things and reading the new books tomorrow :)
  One funny (not funny ha ha, but funny interesting) thing that I thought of earlier today is each year at Anna's birthday parties one of the Zung cousins has thrown up. At the 1st b-day party it was Elaina. Last year Brandon got sick in our backyard. So, as we were going up to church today I thought, "I wonder who will get sick this year?" Sure enough, Mather threw up (in the bathroom, luckily) toward the end of the party. He is getting over having a cough and that combined with running, cake, and other goodies was not so good. We'll see if we can go puke free on Anna's 4th b-day party next year!
  It was hot today. In the upper 80s and humid, so we turned the air on and plan to keep it on through tomorrow. It's so nice that our seasons jump around so much. A couple weeks ago it was freezing and snowing, we had a day or two of mild weather, and now it feels like summer outside. I mentioned going to the beach a little while ago to Anna and ever since then she asks each day if we can go to the beach. Actually, she usually whispers it and says, "I know...maybe today we can go....to...the...beach!" I'm not sure when we'll make it out to Longview Lake, but whenever we do we'll have one excited three year old on our hands!
  I need to start planning the garden and getting things ready. I think I'll go ahead and put some things in the ground and some things in containers just in case we move and then I can take it with me. I want to plant rosemary and lavender in pots this year and then bring them in when the weather turns cold. It would be nice to keep them going all year long, so I can smell them :) I know I can cook with both plants, but really just enjoy running my fingers on the leaves and then smelling them. Anna likes that, too. I enjoyed having a garden so much last summer and want to keep that going as long as I can. It might be interesting getting out there when I get bigger and more pregnant, but I'll make it through and figure something out. Maybe Anna can be more of a hands on helper this summer than she was last year.
  I feel like my sickness is continuing to let up. I was still coughing and blowing my nose like nuts today, but right now I don't feel that bad and that's a good thing. I slept well last night and hope to again tonight. I hope Anna sleeps well and think she will since she didn't take a nap today and thoroughly wore herself out at the party tonight. I just wish I didn't have to get her up early to get to church by the first service tomorrow. I'm sure she'll do fine, but it would be nice if we could take our time tomorrow morning.
  All in all it was a good day and I am very thankful to have a happy, healthy little girl and to celebrate her birthday with our very best family and friends! It's still crazy to think that on her next birthday we'll have a six month old baby!! Still trying to get my head wrapped around that. We still have some time...right?!

thank you, meds

  Today was a better day. There was still many tissues used up and coughing, but not as much as previous days. Also, right now I don't feel like my head is in a vice grip and haven't been running to the bathroom to hack up gunk every couple minutes like last night. This is all good. I got to take a nap today b/c Anna napped and that is also good. We went to the park after lunch today and I think that helped get some of her energy out. Tomorrow is her birthday party and I hope it all goes well. We need to run some errands in the morning and pick up food/supplies. All in all I think it will be a good time. We are putting together the doll house Sunday night and I can't wait to see what it is like! I also can't wait to see the look on Anna's face when she goes downstairs on Monday and sees it. The other day she mentioned how much she likes the doll house at my parent's house and when I asked her what her favorite part of the doll house was she said, "The staircase". Her new doll house has two staircases, on straight and one circular. So excited for her to get this doll house!
  We are watching a documentary called, "They came to play". It is about amateur pianists in a competition. Very interesting to see the personalities and what pieces they play. Watching this makes me wish I had kept up with my piano playing. It's not all gone...as far as my piano playing...but not what it was a long time ago and not, by any means, what these people on the documentary have. Although, these people practice crazy long hours and I never did that. The piano they are playing on is a beautiful grand Steinway & Sons. Oh, to have a Steinway would be amazing! I've told Mike I'd like to get a piano someday and still want to. We'd get an upright for sake of space and I think it would be fabulous. I'd love for Anna and Baby Z to take piano lessons when they get older. Learning music, taking piano lessons, applying yourself in such a way has so many benefits or anyone, but especially for developing, young minds. If they want to pursue sports that will be fabulous, but I have to admit that if they lean more toward the fine arts I will be pretty happy :) It's just what I'm used to, what I know, and what I am drawn to. I never felt the urge to play sports. Well, I take that back. I played one season of softball the summer after my third grade year and hated it. We lost every game and I was the kid in the outfield with my mitt over my face drawing shapes in the dirt with my cleats. I think either playing tennis or soccer would be fun, but that didn't call to me when I was younger and getting involved in activities. Only time will tell in seeing what Anna and Baby Z are interested in.

blah

Today was a good day... Anna and I went up to Lakeland and got things ready for Sunday. I went by the doctor's office and got a prescription for a z-pac and albuterol. Anna fell asleep right before we got home, but didn't stay asleep. She stayed in her room for a while anyway and I tried to snooze on the bed. Then we went to Party City and picked some things out for her b-day party on Saturday. She fell asleep again on the way home. After eating dinner and readying some books I was thoroughly drained. It's a good thing that Mike got home when he did, because I don't think I could have made much longer. There is something about the evenings the last couple days that just kick my butt. I've still felt like crap today, but not as bad as the last couple hours. If I could stop coughing and blowing my nose it would be great. It's amazing how much junk I can cough up and blow out of my nose. Gross. I hope taking the z-pack will help things get back on track. Anna is asleep now and I need to just veg out on the couch and not do much. Not sure what tomorrow will hold. It's supposed to be a really nice day, so maybe we'll just stick around here, go to the park, and take it easy. I thought we might go to the store to get food for her party, but not sure if I want to do that. I know I don't want to do that right now. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. I'm leaning toward not wanting to do much tomorrow. Having a cold and sinus infection turns you into such a bum...sometimes, when you can get away with it.

baby steps

Today was better in terms of how I felt. I slept like crap last night, but didn't feel all that bad today, kindof. Mike worked from home/took care of Anna most of the day so that allowed me to take a nice nap in the afternoon. I still don't feel faboo and will head to the doctor tomorrow to see if I have a sinus infection. I'm pretty sure I do b/c every time I blow my nose it is some shade of yellow/green. The big thing that bothered me last night was my throat hurting so much. I hope tonight it isn't like that and I can get some decent rest. Rachel is also sick, so she won't be coming over to watch Anna tomorrow. I'll bring her with me up to church, get things ready, eat lunch, go to the doctor, and then come home to take a nap (hopefully). We are having Anna's birthday party on Saturday and I need to get things for that soon. It's hard to believe that she is turning three on Monday. We will put the doll house together Sunday night and give it to her Monday morning. I can't wait for her to see it! The weather was really nice today and it was great to get outside for a while this afternoon and evening. Anna loves running around on our driveway, so we did that for a while after dinner. We also got our Fresh Connect delivery and there are mini red bananas this week. I've never seen red bananas before. I wonder if they'll taste any different. We'll see tomorrow. We met with a realtor, Julie, today and talked about putting our house on the market. There are a few things we'd need to do around our house, but it's not too bad. I think if we can get things done within a month and then get it on the market we'll be in a good position for the busy house-buying season. I liked talking with Julie. I think we'll work well together...hopefully that translates into us selling our house soon and getting into a new one. One of the negatives of selling our house is I'm not sure if that means I can have a garden or not. I don't want to plant a garden and then move and not be able to tend to it or get anything out of it. I also don't not want to plant a garden in the event that we don't move and then I'm stuck with a summer of no cucumbers or tomatoes. If we do move relatively soon it would be hard to get a new garden going. Maybe I'll do somethings in the ground and some things in containers. That way if we do move I can just bring the containers with me and keep going. Hmmmm, I'll have to think more about that. I did love having a garden last summer and look forward to it again this year. I guess if I have to hold off this summer in order to move then so be it. There are plenty of friends that have gardens and I can mooch off their produce :) Speaking of produce...our Fresh Connect stuff is still out on our front porch. I'm going to go put that away, get ready for bed, read for a while, and then go to sleep. Oh, I randomly remembered that we had a nasty hail storm Sunday night around 9:00. It lasted a couple minutes, but sounded like our house was getting pelted with baseballs. The hail was about golf ball size and riped holes in 6 of our screens on the east side of the house. Can't complain b/c Mike heard that some neighbors had windows broken. One crazy thing was Anna slept through it all. She didn't take a nap on Sunday and we had my family over for Rachel and Dave's b-day dinner that night. When she went to bed I think she literally fell asleep as soon as she laid down, because as soon as I closed the door to her room it started hailing. I went back into her room because I figured she'd be scared and she was just laying there sleeping. She went to bed tonight easily and quickly, too. It's always nice when that happens. Hopefully, I can do that as well.

not much better

The sickness is holding on like a champ. It's not a lot of fun to grimace every time I swallow and feel like my eyes are squinting all day long. Blah.

Now beyond what is going on in my face and throat we are meeting with a realtor tomorrow to start the process of putting our house on the market. I keep saying, "we'll see" and tomorrow will be another one of those times. I'll be interested to see what she says and all that we talk about. We've found some houses that are promising and just need to see if anyone out there can see themselves living in our house.

Being sick and selling your house...two things that you have little control over. You can take medicine, drink lots of water, clean the windows, and stage the rooms, but it all comes down to waiting for health to return and an offer to come in. Patience, faith, planning, being smart, waiting, blowing your nose. Oh, how that last one sucks.

Waiting is a hard thing to do. Waiting to feel better. Waiting to see if we'll be moving. But it's good to know that you don't have to do it alone. Family and friends are on the road with you with a divine presence leading the way. Blessed assurance and sacred community. Amen.

I am sick

Boo on being congested, having a sore throat, a cough, and feeling like your head is fuzzy and weighs three times as much as it usually does. Boo on not being able to take much of anything that helps with said symptoms because you are pregnant. Boo on still having to function and do things when you feel like a pile of poo. Because of my current pitiful condition I am going to go take some medicine, try to use my Neti Pot, and then go to bed. I tried to use the Neti the other night, but was so congested on the left side nothing came out. Last night I didn't even try. Hopefully tonight it will be more productive. I've got to get rid of this junk. Anna's birthday party is this weekend and I need to keep practicing for the concert on the 23rd...let alone meet with the Haitians to sing on Wednesday. Hopefully, I will feel better tomorrow. Boo, I say.