Adventures in parenting

It has been a long day. We started off taking it easy this morning and then headed out to Longview Lake for a while. Anna really liked playing at the playground, going down by the lake, and having a snack in the shelter. We went to lunch at The Fig Tree. It was good stuff. Anna snarfed up her eggs and sausage. She also really liked the vanilla cream soda I got. It was really good. We came home and hung out for a little while and then Anna had some quiet time in her room. She fell asleep in the car on the way to the lake and slept for about 30 min, so I figured she wouldn't take a nap. I told her she'd be in her room for a little while to read books quietly while I took a rest. It worked out just fine. Just fine until I came in her room after the quiet time was done. She had a semi-mess of books and puzzle pieces on the floor that she needed to pick up and, damn it, it took her a long time to do that. I don't like it when I get upset with her and raise my voice and I did that this afternoon. This afternoon and evening was trying for me. Anna is learning, changing, and testing boundaries. I try to draw on my teaching years and am usually good about keeping a calm reaction when redirecting her, but there are sometimes when that just isn't what comes out of my mouth. It seemed like Anna was particularly relentless in stalling to clean up her room and pestering Lucy tonight. It made me so angry to see her resist like that and also feel helpless and question whether or not what I was doing and saying was the right thing. In the end she did clean up her room and she did leave Lucy alone. Ha. I guess there is victory in that (if that's what you want to call it). Whenever I do raise my voice at her I always apologized and talk to her about why that happened. The morning and early afternoon was fun today, but the later afternoon and evening was tough. Luckily, during dinner Anna ate really well and followed my directions, so we watched a bit of "Beauty and the Beast" then got ready for bed and she was asleep by 8:30. I do love her so so very much, but man can she bring out some intense feelings and emotions in a split second. Parenting does not stop and is not always fun, easy, or enjoyable. There aren't set answers and there are very few times when you can and should say "I'm the adult and you're the kid, so do what I say". It just doesn't work like that. We all would like it to be so cut and dry or black and white, but it isn't. Luckily, when there are hard afternoons/evenings like these there is a much welcomed change back to a gentle, sweet, and calm time...like when I was putting Anna to bed. She likes for me to sing a certain song about angels (one I loved for my mom to sing to me) and then I rub her back while I say the good-night prayers. Those are sweet and tender moments and in many ways erase the sting from what happened earlier today. Who knows what tomorrow will be like, but I am hopeful that if things get rough there will be a much-needed turn around for everyone. Selah.