169 bpm

Today we went to see my midwife and hear the baby's heart beat for the first time. Anna likes going b/c she enjoys the toys out in the waiting room and back in the office room there are all kinds of Disney toys and books. It took a little searching to find the baby and hear the heartbeat, but the nurse did and it was a great sound. 169 beats per minute...that was my high today. I think my low is that I couldn't listen to it longer than about 10 seconds. The visit was quick and I look forward to the end of May when we can have an ultrasound to hopefully find out the sex of the baby. If we have a boy we will have a grand time trying to find a name. I think it's hard to match a first name with Zung and when I was pregnant with Anna we never thought of any good boy names. Good thing we had a girl the first time. I joke that we are destined to only have girls, but I do still have the feeling that this one is a boy. After the appointment we went to lunch and then Anna and I made a stop at Costco. On Monday Mike and I are getting a king size bed delivered, so I have been collecting new bedding to get ready. I found two king size pillows for $13 and got them for the new bed. I've been washing the sheets and things today and can't get over how big it all is. I think having a king size bed will be awesome, especially when the baby comes along. When Anna little-bitty she slept in bed with us for a few weeks. It seemed that she slept better in between us and it was easy for night feedings. In a queen bed I was very aware of the lack of space and basically slept right on the edge of the bed and didn't move at all. Really comfortable, let me tell you. We will have a queen bed up for grabs plus all the sheets and bedding that goes with it. I'm not sure if we're going to try to sell it, give it to someone who needs it, or donate it to good will. I have a friend that works for an organization that helps women who are getting out of the sex industry and want to see if she can use the bed. We also have a double bed that we don't need anymore. Anna is in a toddler bed right now, but we are switching her over to a day-bed soon. If we stay in our current house Anna will move to the third bedroom and the baby will be in her current room. If we move we will most likely get a three bedroom house, so all the rooms will be taken. I plan to make it a big deal with painting the walls, picking out new decorations, and really being excited about having a big girl room. With all our rooms spoken for we won't have any room for a guest bed. There is a part of me that really wants to hold on to a bed just in case someone needs a place to stay. But the thing is if that happened we wouldn't have a room to put them in. I need to just let it all go and give the beds away to someone or some organization that needs them. I tend to hang on to things longer than necessary and I know we should get rid of both beds, but I don't like it. I need to go and keep switching out laundry for the new bed...on a side note I hear Mike and Anna reading a Winnie the Pooh book in our room and Anna just asked, "Does Roo have a dad?" Good question, Anna. Maybe Roo has a dead beat kangaroo dad who split and broke Kanga's heart when Roo was just a baby. We never hear that side of the story in the Hundred Acre Woods.

Join the Food Revolution

  So my husband says I need to include paragraphs in my writing. I admit the length of my writing is on the extensive side, but it's always been like that and I don't think I should change it for an exercise in evaluating my day and examining to see where God's hand is moving in my life. So there. Thbbbpt. But just as a point I said I would try using paragraphs in tonight's writing, so I will.
  Tonight I signed a petition for Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. The USDA has drafted a new set of school meal standards as part of the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act. The standards will include fresh fruits, more variety of vegetables, using more whole grains, and various other good steps for school lunches. When I was teaching I remember there was a lunch that the "main dish" consisted of Fritos with gross chili on top. Yuck! School lunches are processed, high is sodium, barely include basic nutrition, and is passed off to our children as the best we can serve?
   We push for and expect the best education for our children in the US. Teachers have to be "highly-qualified" and school curriculums are tailor-made for the best and highest achievement. Why do we stop with high standards when the kids go into the cafeteria? Why do we think, "It's really important for kids to be able to write a five paragraph essay, but eating french fries, ice cream, and soda for lunch is okay." It's not okay, it's crap.
   I remember reading a study about a school whose population were student with behavioral disabilities. They took out all processed food in the cafeteria and replaced it with fresh, whole food ingredients. After a period of time with students eating fresh food the school saw a decrease in inappropriate behaviors, an increase in attention and overall positive attitudes. I know for me if I eat junk food a lot I feel heavy, sluggish, and just not good. Kids need to be taught in all areas of life. It puzzles and disturbs me that in the area of health and nutrition we seem to drop the ball for our future generations.
  One interesting aspect of the first Food Revolution show was Jamie got the schools to start serving fresh food. They took out the flavored milk and had healthier options. The focus was then on the garbage that kids were bringing to school from home. It showed one young girl's lunch that was something like a bag of chips, a can of soda, and a bag of candy. Really?! Not only does there need to be a change in our school system on the methodology of food preparation and nutrition, but parents need a serious kick in the teeth if they think sending junk like that for a lunch is what their child needs to grow and develop properly.
  If you are interested in sending in a comment to the USDA and reading more about the proposed food standards click here now! I watched Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution show last spring when we was in Huntington, KY and was really gripped by the vision of a food revolution. In watching that show I started to really think about the connection between food, spirituality, and community connections. Since then focusing on healthy food, noticing the sacred side of a meal, the importance of cooking and sharing a meal together, and trying to spread the word about fresh food has become a big passion of mine.
   I think there will be a new Food Revolution show that is in L.A. that will start soon. I can't wait to watch it! I would say watching the Food Revolution, reading about food and faith, and seeing "Food, Inc." have drastically changed my view of food production, consumption, and the current food industry in our country. We've been getting fruits and veggies delivered through a local company called Fresh Connect for the last five months and have really enjoyed that. Most of the produce is from local farmers, but there is also a network of out-of-state farmers who provide organic produce.
  I am willing to pay more for good produce that was maintained and harvested with integrity. It is good to know where your food comes from and that is didn't have to travel across the country packed with pesticides to keep it "fresh" during transport. I really want to start getting meat from a local farmer. Knowing where meat comes from is even more important after reading about the meat industry. I keep telling Mike I want to go and buy half a cow and get a deep freeze to store it. Maybe we should just go ahead and do it!
  After watching "Food, Inc." I felt very overwhelmed at the vast corruption and bigness of the food industry. There was too much to think about and in doing so it just made me angry and stressed because it seemed to be so ultimately corrupt on all sides. Then after calming down I realized that all I can do is make the best choices for my family in what food we eat and what companies we support. I haven't bought Tyson chicken in a long time and don't plan on doing so any time in the future. I'll pay twice as much for grass-fed ground beef from a local farm. Getting our fruits and veg from Fresh Connect has been really great because we know where it comes from and that it is supporting local farmers....not some huge corporate giant of a company.
  Now, I will admit that we do still eat out....there is fast food consumed at the Zung house. But, I am much more aware of the choices we make and where we eat. Going to McDonald's is a tough ethical and moral decision for me. I do appreciate the business like Chipotle that have "food with integrity"...although I'm pretty sure the business is owned by McDonald's.
  On a side note...I remember being in Europe last summer and eating at a McDonald's in Edinburgh, Scotland. I was pissed that we were even at a McDonald's while in Europe and then got even pissier when I started reading the writing on the walls. Literally, there was writing on the wallpaper that said how they got their produce from local farmers. That you could trace the beef back to the grass-fed farm it came from. What!? In Europe McDonald's knows it is important to the people to have local produce and meat that doesn't come from a mega-farm of corn fed cows but in America there is no need to provide that?
  I think it is because Americans on the whole don't care where their food comes from. They want it fast, cheap, and hot. They don't care how it is produced...only that it IS produced in mass quantities to keep up with our mass appetites. If McDonald's can provide food with integrity for their customers in Europe I do feel that they should be doing the same here in the US...but if there is no demand then why should they bother? Because it's the right thing to do. That's why they should bother.
  Note to self: once I get started talking/writing about food, nutrition, industry standards, and the like there is no stopping it.
  So, in saying all that I will wrap up by saying that I am passionate (not nutty Charlie Sheen passionate) about good food and am excited that there is a movement in our country to get back to better eating. I hope that in my children's lifetime that they will see some beneficial changes in the food industry for better production, ethics, and standards. Until then I will keep up with my backyard garden, enjoy going to the farmer's market, and indulge in a good rant now and then about how everything is so screwed up :)

Remembering

Tonight I am listening to music that reminds me of right after Anna was born. It is Plumb's cd, "Blink". It is a cd with lullabies and songs from a mother to her baby. My friend, Jenn, got if for me before Anna was born. We listened to it a lot in the early days, so whenever I hear these songs it takes me back to springtime three years ago. When Anna was born I had all the intentions of breast feeding and began doing just that after she was born. The first time we took her in for a doctor's check-up he was a little concerned about her weight loss and wanted us to come in a couple days later. He suggested that I start supplementing with formula, but I stuck to only breastfeeding and waiting for my milk to come in. We brought her back to the office days later and her weight had dropped a little more and she wasn't peeing or pooing. From the doctor's office we went to Children's Mercy Hospital and was admitted. I remember driving to the hospital just numb as to what was happening and called my friend, Andrea, to see if she could come up and supplement her breast milk for Anna. I still thought mine would come in any day and didn't want to start with formula. At Children's we found out that Anna was severely dehydrated. They gave her an IV and started giving fluids. Later that night a doctor came in and said she was concerned about certain levels in Anna's system and that she really needed to start getting some nourishment. We decided that starting formula was the right thing to do. I remember holding her and seeing her gobble up the first dropper of formula like it was the best thing ever...to her it really was! I met with lactation consultants, took multiple herbs, drank tea, and a prescription to stimulate milk production, but nothing happened. I then found out that I had lactation issues on both sides of my family, so it started to make sense that I wasn't producing any breast milk. The second day we were at Children's Anna started having apneic spells in her sleep where she would stop breathing for a split second and her heart rate would drop really low. This freaked everyone out and at one point there were two nurses and a doctor around her little bed shaking her to keep things going. Mike and I didn't know what to do other than hold each others hands, cry, and pray. I think the apneic breathing was related to her starting formula and having a little reflux when she was sleeping...but we didn't know that then, so to rule possible serious causes of apneic spells Anna had a spinal tap at seven days old. Again, Mike and I were new to this and didn't really know how to react. I remember being so tired and stressed out during those days. I just wanted to go home and not hear the constant beeping of the monitor. Anna was still getting IV fluids, on antibiotics for any possible infection, and oxygen to help her breathing. She was so tiny and had all these wires going everywhere. We were in the hospital for four days. Thankfully all the tests came back showing that she was in the clear. She was taking the formula well and eventually we were able to go home. The first nights at home were restless for me because I was always checking to see if she was still breathing. I continued trying to breastfeed a little before giving her a bottle, but no milk ever came in. I knew she was putting on weight, peeing and pooing normally, and getting what she needed from the formula so I stopped trying to breastfeed. I still regret not being able to do that and wonder/hope that something will be different with this next baby. We will know going into this round that it's a good idea to start off supplementing with formula, though. Anna was a healthy, chunky baby and we have been very thankful for her good health. In those early days we had to rely on God's support and guidance because we didn't know what else to do. Relying on God is still a daily occurrence in relation to Anna's health, development, personality, behavior....anything relating to parenting basically :) One thing that is comforting to me is thinking that Mike's mom, Natalie, and my great-grandmother, Anna, watch over Anna when she sleeps and are her guardian angels. There are times when I talk to them in prayer and feel a comfort and peace knowing they are by her side. When we were in the hospital we had our iPod and speakers to listen to music. The Plum cd played a lot during those days, so I always go back to that hospital room when I hear these songs. For the longest time I didn't want to listen to that cd because it reminded me of everything that happened. But for some reason tonight when I was getting ready to write I thought that I should listen to that music, I should think about what happened, and write about it. There is growth and meaning behind everything we encounter. If we don't process through and think about it then we miss a lot. I wish we didn't have to go through all that, but know that in doing so we are changed by the memory and experience.

Adventures of the little girl and the fig

The new mayor of Kansas City is Sly James. We went from Funkhowser to Sly. Interesting names...let's hope that Sly does a better job than Funk did. And that is all the politics I will mention tonight. Anna is getting to where she does not like wearing pants and that has moved over to pull-ups as well. The problem is that she is not potty trained, so if a pull-up comes up there is a very good chance that pee or poo is somewhere. On Sunday she did not take a nap, but instead played around in her room for a while before taking both pants and pull-up off and peeing on the floor. Awesome. I told Anna that if she doesn't want to wear pull-ups anymore then she needs to start going to the bathroom on the toilet. She's yet to do anything on the pot and for some reason is resistant to it. She says that she's still a little girl and that's why she can't use the toilet. In asking when she will be a big girl, she says when the turns three....which is in about three weeks. I really hope we enter the active potty training phase soon and hope that it goes quickly once it does start. I talked about wanting control last night in my writing and I think my daughter is experiencing the same thing with her bodily functions. She knows when she needs to poo and even says, "What can I hide behind to go poo?". She still has control of where she goes for now and isn't ready to let that go just yet. We've heard stories of major constipation and struggles when potty training happens before the child is ready and don't want that. I'm looking toward this summer as a time to nudge Anna into the "big girl" mindset. I put her in a sun dress yesterday afternoon since it was so nice out and she loved it. She was prancing around the house and backyard just loving it. Tonight when we were walking to the park she started singing a song about being nice to a boy. Yesterday she told us a story about her brother named Clay and how she would take care of him and buy him running shoes with pumpkins on them. She is awesome and I am constantly amazed and how her mind works. Which then leads me to think, "I wonder what this next baby will be like"....I am about 11 weeks along and according to Baby Center that puts Baby Z at the size of a fig. He/she has arms and legs, tooth buds, and is moving around a lot. I won't be able to feel the movement for another month or so, but there is a lot going on in there. I remember feeling Anna move for the first time during "Messiah" rehearsals, so we'll see if this baby moves to the music...whatever that may be. I am going to move on to looking at new curriculum for church. I feel a nudge to try some new things in the content and story we bring to the kids on Sunday. There is a lot to look at and I need to do some homework. After that I want to keep reading "Half the Sky". I am captivated by this book and have been telling everyone I know (especially women) to get a copy of it and read it. I will write more about the book in later days....

Cleaning out the closet

It was another beautiful day with warm weather and the ability to play outside. After dinner Anna has the greatest time just running out on the driveway. She fell once and got some scrapes, but got past it quickly. Mike got Chipotle for dinner, which really hit the spot for me. This morning Anna and I went to Target to look for new bedding b/c Mike and I are upgrading to a king size bed soon. Lately my neck has been really sore and I think it is related to our current mattress. It is a pillow-top that you and see the body prints from where Mike and I lay. It will be nice to get a firm mattress...and having a king size won't be bad either. Lucy got groomed, so she looks really pretty now :) Tonight when Mike was getting Anna ready for bed I went through clothes in my closet and cleaned things out. There were a lot of things I haven't worn in a long time and just need to give to goodwill. Also took things out that I'll keep, but won't be wearing any tie soon. It was good to pare things down and clean it all out (to some degree). That was a random listing of what happened today--just how it came to mind. Thinking about welcoming a new baby in October I want to clean things out as much as I can to keep things simple. We've talked about putting our house on the market and seeing what happens. For whatever reason we've never felt settled in our house and have always gone back and forth about moving to another area and downsizing in a way. To get a house with a smaller mortgage in a more central place in Lees Summit would be good. Not sure how our house would sell, so all we can do is try. The good thing is if our house doesn't sell  then we stay where we are. That's a good position to be in. I've been looking at houses that are for sale and have found a hand full that look good. It is really different to see a house online and then see it in person. If we are really serious about moving we need to get on it soon. We also need to look into pre-schools for Anna. The spring is visiting and enrollment time and that is something we also need to get going on. Going back to moving...it's exciting, but also stressful to think about. The packing, moving, and unpacking just sucks. We would have a short time span, as well, b/c if we don't have any interest by August we'd probably need hold off. I don't want to be too close to my due date and worry about moving and unpacking with a new baby. Ugh. We'll see what happens and what God has in store. Really any stress I have is my need to control. Letting go of that is hard, but in this situation of selling a house, moving, and find a new home there is little I can do, but trust that God is guiding us. In the end we'll be where we need to be and can only be thankful for that.

Thinking of future travels...

One of the TV shows Mike and I like to watch is "Amazing Race". I've followed the show since it started, but the last couple season we've fallen off a bit. We're trying to catch up on the current season by watching multiple episodes. Before we got married we talked about auditioning for the show, but never got around to it. In theory I'd love to be on the show, but after traveling to Europe last summer and seeing how wiped out I get with long flights and how iffy my stomach gets when traveling I'm not sure how being on the race would go. I bet the adrenaline kicks in and carries you a lot, but once you get to the rest stop I'd probably fall apart. Our sister-in-law, Emily, has put together two Amazing Race-like races for us. The first was in St. Louis as a wedding present to Mike and I. The second was a couple years later in KC. We had a blast doing both races...and won both :) Just doing those local races there was so much high energy and anxiety I couldn't imagine being on the real race. Right now the teams are in Sydney, Australia and it looks beautiful. I'd love to go to Australia some day, but the loooooong ass flight is a major drawback. I'm not saying I wouldn't go, but I wouldn't be too thrilled about the flight to and from. Maybe some meds will help that out :) Even as much as traveling messes with my GI system I want to travel with Anna and this new little one when they get older so they can see other parts of the world. Knowing what is outside of our suburb is  so important to give a wider world view. Going as a family to Croc, Mexico or Haiti would be amazing. When I was in Haiti last October I thought what it would be like for Anna to be there. She (and Baby Z) really would need to be older (I'd say at least ten), but having them there to experience the kids, place, and country would be awesome. I know how much it changed my life and world view and can only imagine what it would do for a young one. We'll have to see where in the world the Zungs will travel :) It will be an adventure! And on the other side of things I really look forward to just going camping on weekends and smaller vacations, too. My family went camping a lot when I was growing up and I look forward to doing that with Mike and the kids....I'm still adjusting to saying "the kids". That will take a while. Today's high was playing hookie from my Creole class and going out for lunch and shopping with Mike and Anna instead. It seems like we haven't had much time to hang out as a family, so it was tonight to be together today. Not sure what the low for today was....I guess it would be the weather. It was chilly and rainy today, which was a downer. It did rain and that was nice to take a nap to. I think it will be warmer and not so cloudy tomorrow. Goodnight for today.

Food is good.

Tonight I had dinner with my brother and sister. We got together last month for dinner and a concert and enjoyed that so much that we want to start hanging out more often. In February when we all went out it was the first time we had done that as adults with just the three of us. It was really great to talk and spend time together. David, Rachel, and I have differing views on a decent amount of things, but it is very comforting knowing that we can still have good conversation about it all and come away still loving and respecting one another. Tonight's food was really good Indian! The people running the restaurant have a emphasis on cooking with fresh food, not using preservatives, and not saving food and then re-heating for multiple days. That is a very Ayurvedic approach. It took a while for our food to come out, but when it did it was sooooo good. I appreciate their approach to preparing fresh food and hope the restaurant does well. One gentleman (whom I'm guessing was the manager) said that we can think of their restaurant as an extension of our own kitchens. In going back to my thoughts and "theology of food" I appreciated him saying that. It made me want to go back there and support what they are doing. There is something very special and spiritual about preparing food for someone and sharing a meal with those you love. David, Rachel and I have always gotten along well...aside from the spats growing up and just the normal sibling "you got on my nerves when you..." kind of stuff when we were younger. Now, we have a good time when we are together and I really hope that doesn't change. I have seen how, as people get older, their relationships change to where family gatherings are so tense and people just stop talking to each other. There have been a few times when I thought that my family would change like that, but thankfully that hasn't happened. We have our own hang-ups and things to deal with, but there is a underlying love that is very strong and enduring. I hope that my kids can get together over Indian food someday and know that we might not have done everything perfectly (and surely we won't), but that they know they are loved for who they are and supported in what they do. I'm not sure when we will have another sibling dinner, but I hope it is soon and will look forward to spending time with David and Rachel again...while eating really good food somewhere. Maybe next time we can go to a Vietnamese place. Yum. (As a side note: I've noticed how food is a major current in my relationships with people. I love to eat good food and I love that my siblings and best friends also enjoy a good meal. Being able to have a good meal with my favorite people is one of the very best and sacred things I can take part in. It's like I've always been connected to the spiritual side of food, but am just now putting the pieces together.)

Rachel, David, and me

That's about right